Day 131 – Monday bites the dust

Following up a fantastic weekend and re-entering the work force “wheel of death” (sarcasm) was not that much of a challenge for me. In fact, it’s rarely a challenge because I have a lot of room to move – what I mean by that is my company gives me space to do things without holding my hand. They know I get my work done successfully and so they don’t mess with me unless there is a big policy change that I need to be aware of. As of this Monday, the company went ahead and set up a Lubbock office for me to work from – or at least an address to put on my business card since I am rarely at a certain desk for long. Still, it’s good to have this done since it is a formal move that gives me even more of a sense of security – they are trusting me to run an actual office in a new locale. Pretty cool as far as I am concerned especially since I have a corporate housing space that feels like mine too. I wonder if Lubbock business will ever grow enough for them to send another human to exist with me. I think we are far away from that but it might be fun to share the load someday with someone who is also experiencing what I am. He or she could gather up different levels of Lubbock lawn care companies and we could corner that market in town – though there may be a slight conflict of interest in marketing for all of them. (I don’t know why I chose landscaping as my focus there – maybe it came from my talk with Melissa about it – and I guess it doesn’t matter why – it’s my blog).

This morning was a lunge back into reality as I took my extra weekend energy into the workout gym. I got cocky and I bit the dust. I decided to turn my fast walking at speed level 4.0 to a light jog at speed level 5.5. I thought, why not? It’s only a 1.5 level difference and I’ve walked fast for long enough. Time to jog. Then after five minutes at this level, my chest was burning and my legs felt like thick Sequoia logs. There was another person in the room when I was there and they were doing the treadmill next to me at speed level 7.0 with no problem. All of my pride screamed at me to keep “jogging” until this other person got off of their machine. But I couldn’t do it. And as I backed up the speed level to my regular 4.0, I felt judged by this superhuman runner next to me. I saw him glance over at me and I bet he was wondering why I slow jogged for such a short time and then went back to walking. I wanted to go and get some barbells and do some curls while walking fast to make the other guy think that I was practicing some new workout. But then I thought I might not be able to walk fast and curl ten-pound weights. If I tried that and failed after two curls, the assumed judgment would be doubled – possibly tripled. So, I just gave the guy a foolish thumbs up and mouthed, “Nice!” He didn’t see it. Maybe he was blind, deaf and mute – that was my only possible escape from personal embarrassment. I couldn’t even outlast this guy. He was pushing 7.0 for an hour according to his timer and I was aiming for twenty minutes. I just sucked back my humiliation, completed my short-term walk and threw a towel over my head as I left shame behind. I hope this guy is not going to be there every morning from here on out or I will have to get there at 5 a.m. to avoid him. Oh the ever-silly man I am…

Meditation: It was all about holding onto hope – no matter what the circumstances. It lined up with what the pastor said on Saturday afternoon (Joseph). I love the feeling of hope and according to the book of Hebrews you have to have this sort of hope and you have got to be certain about it paying off or your faith is minimized. I still have to work on this area of life.

That’s it for Monday.