Let’s get something straight – Just because I dumped my anti-depressants 5 months ago, gave up my consistently bad decision making, stopped being so completely compulsive, quit picking fights with gang members at bars, and overall feel 1000% better than I did when I had a pressurized perfectionist achievement-freak nervous breakdown from five years ago that led me to act like the deeply depressed Kirsten Dunst from the movie Melancholia does not mean I am ready to be compared to a Phoenix rising up from some stupid mythological ashes.
(I hate when people say that junk by the way – “He/she rose from the ashes like a Phoenix” – All to describe some sort of Comeback from devastation. That kind of crap might spew out of the mouths of ESPN anchors and from the pens of terribly limited historians, but it is stupid. I don’t want to be compared to a freaky looking mythological creature who did who knows what from that point on. Seriously, do you know what the original Phoenix did after it rose from those proverbial ashes? It probably flew around a while, took a poop on some people’s heads, and then landed in some bar where it murdered the people who would not keep serving it alcohol. That stupid Phoenix never won the Nobel Prize after rising out of those ashes – it pretty much just rose out and poof – gone. How about we just say that someone hit a really rough patch but was not destroyed by it – then they did some pretty amazing things to become self-sufficient again?)
Anyway, back to me, the non-Phoenix – I am doing better since hitting a life wall at light speed, but I am not cured and I am not sure I want to be. The limitations I inherited from my nervous system implosion have actually served to humble me, grant me wise perspective, and keep me from trying to be come badass while living on this silly planet. I like my job writing about extended stay housing (read corporate housing), short term furnished apartments, tanning salons, media whores, famous rockers, addictions, fictional people, and would-be legends. I also like my new therapist who doesn’t put up with my crap and I like my boss who trusts me to do my best.
I’m not perfect. I’m not a legend myself. I’ll never be.
But God says that I am loved and that I will rise up with Him someday. Not rise like a Phoenix. More like a trampolined, floating survivor who doesn’t need his own comeback, because my Higher Power has already trademarked the ultimate Comeback!!!
It’s Tuesday and I am thankful.